


you know in the end that they all fall down

by astronomii



Series: hey pretty stranger, i think you look cute [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Crushes, Developing Friendships, Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Late Night Conversations, MC isn't a RFA member, Minor Game Spoilers, Pining, Reader-Insert, Short Story, Social Anxiety, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, some POV alternating, starts with the canon and then derails, takes place during zen's route, the time in the story and the time in the game don't correspond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-04-12 15:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19135150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronomii/pseuds/astronomii
Summary: With the scandal trending on every media platform, Zen feels as if everything he's ever known is slipping through his fingers. However, he finds solace that the one fact that hasn't changed is you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Starts from Day 8 of Zen's route.

Zen often sees you every time he happened to take the subway. It's quiet on the subway, a clear contrast to his acting career—it's almost as if Zen didn't exist, and he was back to living life as Hyun Ryu. No one in the subway gave him judgmental looks; he was safe from society, safer than being out on the streets where everything he was once familiar with treated him like a villain. Everyone minded their own business, and people came and went as quickly as the breeze. You always got out on the fifth stop, tugging your backpack strap over your shoulder before heading out, earbuds plugged in your ears, eyes vacant yet as clear as ever. 

You don't talk—much less acknowledge him, which is funny, really, because Zen thinks that if anyone would've recognized him by now, it would be you, but he should _really_ stop taking everything to face value, since it's one of the reasons he's in this mess with Echo Girl to begin with—but your presence is calming nonetheless. You're tapping away at your phone in such a rigorous way that Zen wonders if the reason you're always head down and facing the screen is because you're texting someone important in your life—family, perhaps? It shouldn't matter to him, but he feels the strings of his heart tug ever so slightly. 

Three stops in, you stand up. Zen raises a brow at your sudden behavior, but he doesn't comment on it because his reputation is currently falling apart and him suddenly talking to you about how you're breaking your own daily routine isn't something that would make him seem any less creepier than how the public perceives him. You lend your seat to an elderly lady that had just boarded, and Zen's heart warms at the sight. Perhaps kindness did still exist in a world where everyone seemed against him at the moment. 

He watches you weave through the other people as you made your way to a less crowded spot to stand until you got off at your destination. Apologies spilled from your lips as you scrambled your way to his side, and you seemed downright mortified every time your backpack would hit someone by accident. By the time you reached him, you were trembling from head to toe and you managed a shaky smile his way before your attention darted immediately back down to the device in your hands. 

Curiosity gets the best of him, and he finds himself peeking over your shoulder, which isn't really difficult because Zen towers over you in height. To his surprise, you're playing a game—a game that seemingly requires all your attention and dedication. Zen watches you tap away at the various notes that appear on the screen, flinching slightly when your nails scrape the screen by accident. After a couple minutes, you finally finish whatever intense level you are on with a soft sigh as a 'Full Combo' sign flashes briefly before taking you to the score page. 

It's one of those flashy rhythm games. Zen doesn't play games, but Yoosung mentioned it once before and got really adamant over the fact that they were nearly impossible to beat. You're scrolling through the song selection and Echo Girl's song, Free Friday, somehow shows up in the choices. You make a face, and your finger moves to jump to the next song when he speaks up. 

"You don't like Echo Girl?" Zen tries to control the tone of his voice, but he voices his thoughts in such a way that the slimmest margins of intrigue could be detected. You jump in surprise—a gesture Zen finds cute, but he doesn't comment—and you turn to face him, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind your ear nervously. 

"Oh! Hi, um," you fumble over your words, "I don't like her, but I also don't dislike her...?"

Zen makes a face, or at least, he thinks he does, because your eyes practically shoot up and you start stammering in a way to justify your claims. 

"I'm sorry; I get a lot of people like her these days. I didn't offend you, did I? Um, it's really weird admitting this aloud, but I don't really like her voice because she sounds... nasally?"

 _That_ sparks a reaction from him, and Zen finds himself stifling a laugh. You considerably relax, your tense shoulders soon slouch once more. Suddenly, you're smiling at him, and that causes some of the tension to melt away. 

"That expression looks better on you," you offhandedly comment, before your face explodes into a shade of red that would put Seven's hair to shame, "n-not that you're bad looking or anything, you're very handsome, it's just, you seem really sad every time I saw you these past few days; um, I should stop talking now, sorry."

"You're rather pretty yourself."

Zen's mind is a _mess_. He can't believe he just said that. He hears your surprised squeak and looks over just in time to see you bury your reddened face in your hands. Zen feels his own face darken just slightly, and he clears his throat and busies himself with staring at the floor, ceiling, just anywhere but your face. He sneaks a glance back down at you from the corner of his eye, and he finds you staring rather intently at the subway doors as if they'll open sooner.

Luckily for you, the subway halts at it's fifth stop, which is your destination to begin with. You offer Zen a shy wave of goodbye before getting swept away by the crowd of others who are always leaving at this stop. He waits for the doors to slide to a close before he finally pulls out his phone, which has been buzzing like crazy since he last left his apartment without another word. Texts from Jaehee, Yoosung, and even Jumin fill the screen and Zen finds himself typing out a reply, a reassurance of sorts. 

> **Yoosung★:** Omg!!!
> 
> **Yoosung★:** just hearf the nesw
> 
> **Yoosung★:** Zen r u ok?!!!?!
> 
> **Jumin Han:** It's better not to respond so your emotions don't get the best of you.
> 
> **Jumin Han:** I'm sure he's fine.
> 
> **Jaehee Kang:** Zen, we are all worried please respond soon
> 
> **ZEN:** It's fine I'm alright now

Staring at the place you once stood, for the first time after this whole ordeal, Zen felt as if everything was going to be right again.


	2. Chapter 2

He sees you again the next day. This time, Zen purposefully takes the subway even though the idea of being surrounded by people, by strangers, that could potentially shame him and his career further absolutely terrifies him. You board after he does, and he brightens up at the fact that your eyes lighten up once you see him—a clear contrast to all those giving him glares when he walked down the street—and he watches as you carefully navigate your way around people and stand beside him. 

"Good morning!" you chirp brightly. A smile pulls your lips upward and you do this cute little head tilt that gets his heart fluttering.

"Morning, babe." He immediately regrets what he said the moment the words leave his lips. Zen curses quietly to himself as he feels his face burning. It was a bad habit, mainly due to the fact that the RFA's party planner doesn't seem to mind the pet names too much—but you were a different story, and Zen wanted to make sure things went right with you.

He turns to you, ready to apologize, but finds that you don't seem to be phased. Instead, your attention is directed back to the phone in your hand. This time, your earbuds are forgotten and you're typing slowly and thoughtfully into a messaging app that looks nothing like the one Seven created, but the purpose is all the same. 

"No game today?" Zen inquires, curiously.

Curious is all he has been the past few days. And anxious. With Echo Girl, Choi Kyungju, making it her job to tear down his career, he's a little surprised over the fact you haven't heard of the unsavory gossip following him around or don't know who he is in general—he's practically  _infamous_. Some messages scroll by, and then, you finally tear your eyes away from the screen to meet his gaze. 

"Hm? Oh, no," you seem almost sheepish as you avoid his gaze—perhaps he said something wrong?

Before he can even think of something to add on to the conversation, you continue talking.

"My development team and I have a big term project for our professor," you glance up at him and, after taking in his confused expression, you elaborate. "I, um, work with a team of four other students and we—" you pause and begin to fiddle your fingers "—we develop a program and present it for a final grade. It's a big project, so sorry if I kind of... space out."

Just then, your phone starts ringing. You look apologetic, but Zen lets you take the call knowing its importance. As you talk on the phone, Zen's mind wanders. So, you're a tech girl who plays games. He can't help but think how well you would fit in with both Seven and Yoosung; somehow, that thought sends an unpleasant churning in his gut. Perhaps it was his fear and paranoia catching up to him, but Zen couldn't help be afraid that he might lose you, the one person outside the RFA who treated him as if he was just as normal as everyone else. 

Your voice raises suddenly, and you catch yourself quickly before lowering your tone, but Zen sees the worry lines etched across your face as you clutch your phone like it was your lifeline. 

"What do you mean, it doesn't work?" 

The voice on the other line is muffled, but Zen can just barely make out the words 'algorithm' and 'syntax error'. You shoot him an apologetic smile before quickly returning to the discussion and speaking heatedly on the phone. When the call is finished, you shove your phone deep into the confines of your sweater pockets and brush your hand through your hair in frustration. You pause midway in your actions before you find the courage to glance up at him again. 

"Sorry," you murmur, "there was some technical difficulties. I'm not normally this... frazzled. Sorry to leave you all alone, but I'm going to head off one stop early. Jaehyun wants me to look over the code one more time before we get to campus."

The subways skids to a halt, and Zen barely has time to react before you're already making your way out. You turn as the crowd of people slowly separates you from him and offer him a wave over the heads of people. 

"Bye!" you call out to him, "I'll see you tomorrow!" 

 _Tomorrow_. You wanted to see him tomorrow. Zen smiles, and he feels as if he's just found the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. He manages a small wave back at you before the crowd rushes out and you disappear completely from view. 


	3. Chapter 3

It's the next day and, true to your word, you're there. But, this time, you're there before he is. It's colder than usual that day, and you're bundled up to your nose in a large coat, mittens, and a red woolen scarf. Your cheeks are flushed pink—the shade oddly complimenting your scarf—due to the cold, and you're holding onto two foam cups filled to the brim with something warm to drink—coffee, or tea, maybe?

Your expression brightens up considerably since he's stepped onto the bus and you huddle nearer to him than usual, but Zen tells himself that it's most likely due to the cold and not because you were attracted to him or anything. Zen barely feels the cold nipping his skin, but seeing you all bundled and miserable in the chilly weather makes him want to wrap his arms around your shoulders, but he doesn't because he barely knows you and that would be awkward considering you also, apparently, didn't know who he was either. 

"Morning," you smile, handing him one of the cups, "it was cold and I wasn't sure if you liked coffee, so I got to hot chocolate instead. Nobody dislikes hot chocolate... I think! And—oh no, please don't tell me you're lactose intolerant."

There's genuine concern in your voice, and your grip tightens on the cup ever so slightly, like you're just ready to snatch the cup back and hide it if you had accidentally offended him. You're so sincere in everything you do that Zen thinks, even if he was lactose intolerant, he would've still accepted the drink all the same. He accepts the cup gratefully with a chuckle, the drink warming up his chilled fingers. "Thanks, babe."

There's no way you don't catch it this time. You freeze a second after he does. The cup remains glued to his hand and he notices the way your cheeks darken ever so slightly, but he knows its not due to the cold weather. There's silence for awhile, and Zen feels the need to apologize. Your gaze seems wandering, thoughtful, and you stare at the blurring lights from outside the subway's windows. 

"Sorry," Zen apologizes, red creeping up his neck to the tips of his ears, "it's a force of habit. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can control myself."

 _Why was he getting so frazzled?_  He's hardly known you, but there's something about you that's different from the rest of his fans. He gets this inexplicable urge to just protect you—but from what, exactly? He can't really tell. Maybe from himself and the ones who had once supported him but turned their backs the moment someone more talented—more famous—threatened to destroy his image and everything he's ever cared about. Could he  _still_  protect you then? 

You purse your lips, suddenly looking a little more mischievous than usual, and give him a glance from the side. 

"No, no," you giggled, "you just caught me by surprise that's all. It's fine; babe—that one's new."

Your lips quirked up—God, he really loved how cute your smile looked. You waggled your finger in front of his face as if you were chiding him in the most playful way possible. "If you're gonna call me babe, then... I get to call you Prince Charming!"

"Oh? So I'm a prince now?" Zen replied, his eyes softening now that the tense atmosphere began to dissipate once more. 

"Mhm. You always look so charming, I think it's really cool."

Normally, Zen would say something flirty, something witty, in response, but this time, he chooses to remain quiet. You speak again after some time, but you're not looking at him anymore; in fact, your attention seems fixated to the reflection the two of you cast on the clear glass windows. 

"Lately though... you seem distant,  _lost_. I, um, can't help but feel really nosy, but you can count on me, you know! I'm not the most reliable, and my friends call me an airhead sometimes haha. But I'm always up for small talk. It's not really my place though, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

There it was again, an apology. You had no reason to apologize, but you did so regardless even if it wasn't your fault. The subway slid to a stop once more, and you tugged the backpack straps on your shoulders as you prepared to get off. Turning to him, you smiled and gestured to the cup in his hands. 

"I guess I'll see you around?" you say, voice hopeful. 

"Yeah, sure," Zen swallows his nerves. "See you tomorrow."

Like always, you wave goodbye and disappear among the crowd of people as they slowly board off the subway. Turning the cup over, Zen thumbs over the message you left him in your hastened penmanship. 

_[ hi! it's nice talking to you, feel free to leave me a message sometime xxx-xxx-xxxx :)) ]_

Zen feels an amused expression overtake his features as he saved your number in his phone for future purposes. You always has this uncanny ability to make him smile, no matter what you did. A buzz from his phone takes him out of his reverie. Glancing down at the screen, Zen finds himself scowling. It's a text from Jumin, no doubt trying to get him to model in one of his company's commercials. 

More than ever, Zen wishes that the scandal would be taken care of quickly so that he'd be able to hang out with you normally. 

 

* * *

 

_See you tomorrow._

Those words continue to resound in your mind making you feel unnaturally giddy, and you're well aware that the redness dusting your cheeks was no longer due to the biting cold outside. With your nerves buzzing with adrenaline and your heart beating in your chest, you stepped off the subway and you're immediately greeted by Jaehyun standing impatiently by the loading zone. Offering your friend a sheepish way, you quickly make your way over to him, avoiding everyone else crowding around as best as you could. 

"You seem happy," he teases with a grin, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his college hoodie. "Met someone special today?"

"Yeah!" you exclaim rather breathlessly, and you wonder if the joy of meeting new people made you this way or if it was just because of him—the handsome stranger you seem to see frequenting the subway. "I think—I  _think_  I made a friend."

"That's good," Jaehyun comments, ruffling your hair in an affectionate way that almost reminds you of your older brother. "You should make more friends, can't have you being lonely forever."

"Hey, I am  _not_  lonely."

"Yeah, yeah," he rolls his eyes playfully, not entirely convinced by your words, "whatever you say."

You're about to retort when your phone chimes from your pocket. Pulling out the device, a grin overtakes your features when you read what's on the screen. 

> **???:**  You gave me your number so I figured I'd return the favor~

It came to you that you still didn't know his name, so you saved his contact under the name Prince Charming. Feeling pretty accomplished with yourself, you're about to turn off your phone when you hear Jaehyun snickering in the back. 

"Prince Charming? How  _creative_."

You lightly smacked him on the arm with a laugh. "Jerk." 


	4. Chapter 4

It's no longer freezing the next day, but the breeze still added a chilling factor to the air. Zen spots you immediately in the crowd on the subway and makes his way to you. You exchanged your bundled outfit from yesterday with a simple woolen, cream-colored sweater and black pleated skirt. There's a black and white polka-dotted bow in your hair, making you a thousand times cuter in Zen's eyes. 

Almost as if you sensed him boarding, you peered up from your phone and waved him over.  _Cute_. 

"Good morning, Prince Charming. I bought some tteokbokki, so we can share." You enthusiastically held up the small street food that was still steaming and offered him a toothpick. "I normally get hungry in the mornings, even after breakfast, so I thought it'd be nice to share a snack before school."

Like the hot chocolate, he accepts the toothpick gratefully and pokes at a piece. Zen reminds himself that someday he needs to repay your kindness by taking you out to lunch or dinner—preferably on a date, after all the drama passes by. You then go and begin chatting about your day, your project, and little things like hobbies and favorites. Occasionally, he would cut in and say something, but he spent the time listening to you talk. He learned so much about you just by listening, like how you preferred cooler weather over warmer weather, and the fact that you often stayed up late into the night simply because you lost track of the time, and even what your music preferences were. 

Soon the two of you fell into this two-step rhythm of asking and answering questions, the entire ride being filled with your hushed and quieted voices. The tteokbokki was quickly finished and forgotten, and it was just before your time to leave when you turned away from the lighthearted questions to look at him with an unreadable expression on your face; it was almost as if you were studying him for a moment. 

"So..." you trailed off, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear as you spoke, "I just realized that we've never probably introduced ourselves. I can't keep calling you Prince Charming forever, you know?"

Zen would have absolutely no problems if you did continue to call him that—if you wanted to, of course. You nudged his arm with your elbow as an impish smile crept across your face. Then, you straightened yourself up almost comedically, offering him a hand out to shake. 

"I'll introduce myself first! I'm (Y/n) (L/n), it's nice to meet you."

Your name suited you. Zen took your smaller hand in his and shook it once before releasing. 

"Nice to meet you, (Y/n)," he really liked the way your name rolled off his tongue. "I'm Hyun Ryu."

"It's nice to meet you too, Hyun!"

Then, like always, the subway slowed to a stop and you had to go. As he watched you go, Zen felt his phone chime, signalling the RFA messenger app. With much reluctance, he tore his eyes away from your fading form to look at the messages. It was Jumin, talking about some sort of missing pen. Irritation for the corporate heir grew in his gut, but it quickly diffused upon seeing the party coordinator's concerned messages. 

Slowly, he read over the messages and began typing his reply. 


	5. Chapter 5

> **Jumin Han:**...Strange.
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Where did my pen go?
> 
> **Misun Chae:** Zen! Are you alright?
> 
> **ZEN:** Yeah
> 
> **ZEN:** Sorry for worrying you~
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Did anyone see my pen?
> 
> **Jumin Han:** There's a diamond on it. 
> 
> **Misun Chae:** Jumin;;
> 
> **Misun Chae:** It's really not the appropriate time for this
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Yes...
> 
> **Jumin Han:** I suppose you are right. I'll bring this topic up some other time.
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Maybe when Assistant Kang is online.
> 
> **Misun Chae:** Thank you ^^
> 
> **ZEN:** I never thought I would see the trust fund kid actually listen to someone for once lolol
> 
> **ZEN:** what a strange sight
> 
> **ZEN:** Oh right.
> 
> **ZEN:** I had something to say to you Jumin
> 
> **Jumin Han:** ?
> 
> **ZEN:** ...If it weren't for my allergy, I would have said yes to your modeling job offer. 
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Why are you suddenly saying this?
> 
> **ZEN:** Just...
> 
> **ZEN:** Lately, I've had my mind on a lot of things. I felt bad for giving you the cold shoulder. 
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Hmm.
> 
> **Misun Chae:** Jumin, Zen is officially giving you an apology. Why don't you accept it? :)
> 
> **Jumin Han:** I did not expect to receive an apology. 
> 
> **Jumin Han:** This is flustering me a bit. 
> 
> **ZEN:** It was because of my allergy that I declined your offer and accepted Echo Girl's,
> 
> **ZEN:** but it was more so because I wanted to do theater instead of modeling. 
> 
> **ZEN:** So... don't misunderstand and think that I said no just because I don't like you. 
> 
> **ZEN:** If you offer another job that won't irritate my allergies, I'll seriously consider it. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Okay?
> 
> **Misun Chae:** While I believe that I shouldn't have a voice in this, I'm glad you two are considering to reconcile 
> 
> **Misun Chae:** That took a lot of courage, Zen. Thank you for that
> 
> **Misun Chae:** ...Now Jumin
> 
> **Jumin Han:** Yes?
> 
> **Misun Chae:** I'm pretty sure it goes without saying;
> 
> **Jumin Han:** ...
> 
> **Jumin Han:**  Zen, I'll remember the effort you put into explaining everything. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Alright...
> 
> **ZEN:** I should go take my cast off now. 
> 
> **Misun Chae:** Alright, stay safe Zen!
> 
> **ZEN:** Misun, talk to you later ^^
> 
> **ZEN:** Then I'll be off.


	6. Chapter 6

Zen wakes up sometime during the middle of the night. His phone continues to ring like crazy and he fumbles in the dark until he manages to feel it buzzing on his nightstand. He takes a look at the clock. _3:27 AM_. He heaves a tired sigh but answers the call regardless. There was only one person he knew who would bother calling this early in the morning. 

"Hey sweetie, I know you miss my voice but it's a little early to be calling me," Zen laughed lightly, falling back comfortably into his pillows. He doesn't get a response for a few moments and the playfulness he has quickly turns into concern. "Misun?"

"Did I—Did I call at a wrong time?" Instead of hearing Misun's voice, he hears yours, and Zen is almost sent reeling in shock. He needs to salvage the situation, desperately. 

"No, of course not, babe. What's wrong?"

"I, um," you breathe out, exasperated with yourself, "gosh, it sounds so childish, but I had a... nightmare. I was going to call Jaehyun, but I ended up calling you. Your voice is soothing; it helps me think clearer, better."

Zen, lying on his bed, completely red-faced, tries to keep his tone light even though his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. 

"I've heard I have that effect on people."

This time you laugh, and it sounds even better than tinkling bells. 

"Are you always this straightforward? Or is it because of the time?"

"It's—" _you_ , he wants to say, "—just the time. It is early, after all."

"Oh, yes. I forgot about the time," you sound sheepish this time, and he can almost imagine you turning away in embarrassment, "if you want, I won't bother you anymore."

"You're never a bother. If you want, we can talk about it. Only if you want to."

"Are—Are you sure? I don't want to disrupt your sleep..."

Zen glances from his phone to the time. Beauty sleep be damned. 

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Ah, well, here it goes..."

 

* * *

 

"... I had a nightmare that everyone I knew suddenly forgot about me." Betrayal had always been one of your fears, as well as being left behind, but it just felt so good, so relieving, to finally tell someone who wasn't as close to you, someone you would hope would just listen instead of saying the typical reassurances you would get from your friends. Hyun doesn't respond, so you think it's a sign that it's fine to keep talking. For once, you _want_ to talk, you _want_ to voice everything out loud. 

"It's weird," you laugh a little, feeling a bit unhinged, on edge, "I know it's not going to happen, but I still can't help but feel scared." You wheeze sharply, bringing up your free hand and covering your face with it. "I'm so pathetic."

The last part was really meant for yourself, and you inhaled sharply after realizing you had said it aloud. You feel so small, caught up in your fears and paranoia. You find yourself curling up into a ball; you hoped you didn't scare him away, he was the first person you felt comfortable sharing this with. 

Maybe because it's late, and maybe it's because sleep deprivation had given you a dose of courage but you don't stop talking. You talk, and talk, and  _talk_ , but damn, does it feel invigorating. You can't tell if Hyun is just being patient with you or if he doesn't know what to say or even if he was being fed up with you, but you did know how relieving it was to talk to someone who didn't know you that well. Strangers, but well acquainted. 

"I'm sorry, I did it again, didn't I? It's just, talking gets me so nervous, and I tend to... well, I tend to ramble. And you—you're comforting, familiar, it's nice to talk to you. When I talk to you, I don't worry, and, gosh, I did it again... Do you believe in fate? Because there's this nagging feeling that I might have met you or seen you before. It's strange, how little I know about you but it feels like I've been around for a lifetime."

You heave a long, tired sigh and stare up at the ceiling. It's dark in your shared apartment room, Yeji prefers it that way, and the street lights filter through the blinds and seemed to dance across ceiling forming different shapes and patterns. It's almost mesmerizing, almost. But then you remember seeing Hyun smile for the first time on the subway, and the way he would brighten up all because of you. You felt special, needed, like you finally had purpose.

You think you would love to see him smile again, over and over, as long as you are able to be around him. 

Neither of you speak and enjoy the comfortable silence. You vaguely hear some cars drive by before everything fades into calm, quiet static. You shift positions, turning so that you laid on your side, staring at the window. The white blinds glowed golden and you wondered just how beautiful the city must be at night. You hear something clatter over the phone and worriedly speak up. 

"Hyun? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, babe, don't worry; I just dropped my phone." He seemed almost embarrassed to admit that, and you let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. 

There's silence once again, and the silence just itches at you to talk. 

"It's a... nice night, isn't it?" The words seem lamer spoken out loud than in your head, and you mentally congratulate yourself on the fact. 

"Hm? Yes, I suppose it is."

He's being oddly spacey. You wonder if he's as okay as the front he seems to put up. 

"Hey, um, do you want to talk now? I feel like I've said my piece, and something seems to be bothering you. I would like to help."

 

* * *

 

Zen almost forgets about how scarily perceptive you are. Maybe throughout your talking, he's come to the conclusion that you're more vulnerable than you let on, you've let down your walls even if it was just for a little bit. He should be honest. It's only fair because you've done the same. It's all just reciprocated courtesy. 

"Mhm, babe, it's alright. I've just had a lot of things to think about. Nothing important, I promise, so rest easy."

He's been saying he's alright for awhile now, and he wonders just when he'll _really_ be alright. 

"Okay," you reluctantly agree, even if you don't sound entirely convinced, "okay, I'll believe you."

"Thank you," he breathes out. And then, Zen realizes he might just be more tired than he let on. 

"But, you'll tell me, right? You'll let me know if something is wrong? I want to help you like you've helped me."

"You've already helped me enough." Zen smiles, even if you can't see him, and he knows that this is probably one of the closest times he has gotten to the truth. 

"Are you sure?" You sound bewildered and there's a soft thud coming from your end, and he could only assume you had dropped your phone on your pillows in surprise. "I feel like I didn't do much these past few days..."

"But you did. Trust me on this one, please."

"Alright, I—" he hears you exhale shakily, "—I trust you, Hyun."

He forgot how he was just Hyun in your eyes, and he liked it. For once, he could just be himself. There was no need for Zen for now, he was only Hyun Ryu, your friend, and that thought made him feel on the top of the world. Holding the phone closer to his ear as a silly notion that it would help him feel closer to you, he managed to fake a low, somber sigh. 

"Really, babe?" he teased. "You don't sound like you do. Maybe I should come over and convince you."

You begin stammering incomprehensibly, and Zen allows himself to laugh. He imagined you, sitting up in your bed now, cheeks flushed red at the notion as you indignantly try to defend yourself. God, you were adorable. 

"Anyways," your voice sounds funny, like you had just retained your composure, "it was nice talking to you, Hyun. I'm glad you listened." 

"You're welcome. Sweet dreams, (Y/n)."

"You too, Hyun. Good night."

You hang up first, with Zen hanging up slowly a few seconds afterwards. He stares, contemplating, at the ceiling for a bit, before checking the time. _3:56 AM_. It's still relatively early, and he can't think of anyone else who would even fathom being awake at this time besides Jaehee with overtime work, Yoosung playing LOLOL, or Seven popping in just to check on everyone or give updates on what he's found. However, despite the fact that no one is online, Zen logs into the RFA chatroom and begins to type. 


	7. Chapter 7

> **ZEN:** I suppose... that everyone is asleep
> 
> **ZEN:** It's surprisingly calm now,
> 
> **ZEN:** but 
> 
> **ZEN:** I feel like there are strangers outside my door. 
> 
> **ZEN:** People have been banging on my door and being loud earlier..
> 
> **ZEN:** They must be haters, right...?
> 
> **ZEN:** ;;
> 
> **ZEN:** Maybe I should call the police. 
> 
> **ZEN:** How did they find out my address...?
> 
> **ZEN:** Oh... it's on my fan site. 
> 
> **ZEN:** God..
> 
> **ZEN:** I should take down the fan letter address. 
> 
> **ZEN:** No one is going to send me fan letters anyways.
> 
> **ZEN:** I'm just scared, angry and all that. I can barely sleep... I can't eat...
> 
> **ZEN:** I'm a total mess. 
> 
> **ZEN:** People on social media are hating me. 
> 
> **ZEN:** People who've never even seen me up on stage...
> 
> **ZEN:** And that's blowing up
> 
> **ZEN:** and moving unto now insulting the whole musical industry. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Haha, 
> 
> **ZEN:** I'd at least understand if they'd ever seen one of my shows...
> 
> **ZEN:** but I don't know if they hate me... or musicals now...
> 
> **ZEN:** Which is the target of criticism? 
> 
> **ZEN:** I won't be able to take care of this until I get myself together. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Right now, my mind's just a wreck haha
> 
> **ZEN:** But lately...
> 
> **ZEN:** I met this girl.
> 
> **ZEN:** She's really cute and nice, and I think
> 
> **ZEN:** you guys would like her. 
> 
> **ZEN:** She's helping me, in ways I couldn't. 
> 
> **ZEN:** But I can't help but think that maybe I don't deserve to see her. 
> 
> **ZEN:** I'd rather go back to the time when I wasn't popular. 
> 
> **ZEN:** No one really liked me... but no one hated me either. I think that was a better time...
> 
> **ZEN:** Whenever people came up to me and encouraged me, 
> 
> **ZEN:** my heart felt so happy. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Rika was one of those people. 
> 
> **ZEN:** I barely made any money back then... I think it's been five or six years already. 
> 
> **ZEN:** I met V too when I met her for the first time... and I'd never seen anyone who looked just as good as me. 
> 
> **ZEN:** V... told me he wanted to photograph me as soon as he saw me. Then I was still pretty rebellious and tried to refuse though. 
> 
> **ZEN:** the person who introduced me to Jumin was Rika too. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Jumin suggested that he'd support me to go study abroad to act in larger productions, 
> 
> **ZEN:** and I absolutely refused. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Because I didn't want to receive money from someone who was born with a silver spoon, 
> 
> **ZEN:** and I wanted to prove that I could succeed on my own without anyone's help. 
> 
> **ZEN:** But...
> 
> **ZEN:** To be honest...
> 
> **ZEN:** I did say that, 
> 
> **ZEN:** but in real life it was so hard to make a living
> 
> **ZEN:** and I doubted myself countless of times. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Things were hard...
> 
> **ZEN:** and I was really nervous
> 
> **ZEN:** that the fire inside me would just go out. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Once a show ended, I always went on my motorcycle. I didn't have to worry about a thing on that bike. 
> 
> **ZEN:** The speed comforted me. 
> 
> **ZEN:** It's thanks to V that I am where I am. 
> 
> **ZEN:** One time, I had a big accident
> 
> **ZEN:** and almost died. 
> 
> **ZEN:** If I hadn't gone to the hospital straight away, my life would have been in danger. 
> 
> **ZEN:** V saved me... I didn't know how he did. 
> 
> **ZEN:** I remember losing my balance and falling... but once I opened my eyes, I was at the hospital with V.
> 
> **ZEN:** Later when I asked, he told me he used to secretly follow me to take my photos. 
> 
> **ZEN:** how did he keep up with such a fast motorcycle?
> 
> **ZEN:** I should ask him once I see him at the party. 
> 
> **ZEN:** My motorcycle...
> 
> **ZEN:** It's still in the warehouse. 
> 
> **ZEN:** Maybe I should go for a ride on a day like this. 
> 
> **ZEN:** I'll be able to escape
> 
> **ZEN:** from all this anxiety for a while at least. 
> 
> **Zen has left the chatroom.**


	8. Chapter 8

Zen wakes up a few hours later. It's still relatively early in the morning, and he sees that no one has logged onto the chatroom in a while. He wants to see you; he wants to see you and talk to you and just hang out around you, but he won't, not today at least. There's a series of messages on his phone, but it's not from any of the RFA members, it's from you. They were sent at around six in the morning, so he figures that you probably didn't have the most restful night after your chat. You didn't send much, but he appreciated the gesture all the same. 

> **(Y/n):** Good morning!
> 
> **(Y/n):** ...or not yet haha. It's still early
> 
> **(Y/n):** Thank you again for listening last night, it was really appreciated 
> 
> **(Y/n):** I hope you have a good day today
> 
> **(Y/n):** I have to go i think Yeji got mad at me lol
> 
> **(Y/n):**  See ya Prince Charming!! :)

He's positively beaming after reading your messages, and he shuts off his phone with a triumphant click. Maybe today would finally be a good day for him. Or _not_. There's a loud knocking at his door that seemed to resume exactly after he finished getting dressed for the day. While he already has a clear idea who could possibly waiting for him outside, he feels like stalling. Zen checks his phone one more time in a desperate attempt to see if he received anymore messages, but he feels his mood plummet when he hasn't. 

Reluctantly, he opened the door. 

"It—It's him! Zen!" 

The first thing he's greeted with to start off his morning is two girls standing outside his front door, their phones were clutched in their hands in a gesture that felt anything but welcoming. 

"Take a photo! Now!"

The other girl quickly snapped a photo. Bewildered, and slightly blinded by the sudden flash, Zen takes a step back in surprise, blinking away the white dots that clouded his vision. The girl who didn't take the photo was quick to accuse him. 

"How could you do that to Echo Girl?!" she yells at him. "You should be ashamed of yourself! Celebrities are so vulgar!"

He words hit closer to home than he wouldn't liked, and Zen pictures you instead of the girl. He remembers every morning where you would see him and flash him a smile that was filled with warmth. His hands, previously clenched into fists by his side, loosen, and he heaves a tired, heavy sigh. The two women in front of him flinch, but he won't show any signs of aggression. 

"... Do you know me?" he chooses to ask instead. 

"Wait, I think he's getting mad..." the other girl beside her companion, the one who took the picture, muttered worriedly. 

He was not mad, just upset, frustrated, and tired. 

"Have you seen my shows?"

He thinks of you. You, who, despite having every opportunity to loathe him, doesn't treat him with disdain, but Zen wonders just how long you're going to think that way before you start to see him the same way the public does. Then again, he has to remind himself that you don't know _him_ , you don't know who Zen is, you only know Hyun Ryu. 

"Who cares about small shows like that?" the girl's shrill voice speaks. "... As someone who likes major productions, this just doesn't make any sense!"

"Why do we have to see your shows to hate you for sexually harassing someone! People like you are why women have to fight for their rights!"

"Women's rights?" Zen sounds positively incredulous as if he couldn't believe that they would even bother mentioning that. "When a rich, powerful woman talks, she has power, and a pathetic male actor like me doesn't even get a chance to explain? I don't know what that has to do with women's rights. Still, I applaud you for the courage to come up here and say that to me. Ladies, be careful not to catch a cold."

He ruffles the front of his hair in a fatigued and weary manner before straightening himself up. "I'm sorry. I'd like to explain, but I'm a wreck right now. I'm going to go for a ride, but don't just wait for me in front of this house. I'll call the cops if you keep doing this, to everyone here, not just women. Hm, but why don't I see any men? Hurry and go home!" 

Zen quickly steps outside and locks the door behind him, leaving the two girls outside his front door. He hears them muttering something to themselves, but by that time, he's already too far away to hear them. 

He really needs to clear his head. 

 

* * *

 

You stood tapping idly on your phone. For some odd reason, you felt anxious. You didn't get a wink of sleep that night. After you finished calling Hyun, you spent the rest of the night playing games on your phone to pass the time while you allowed your thoughts to wander. He sounded so worn out that you couldn't help but worry; you hoped that you didn't cause trouble by venting about your problems. 

Still, you found yourself waiting for him. Stop after stop, until it got to where you usually left.

"I guess he didn't show up..." you sighed. 

Frowning, you checked your phone for some kind of message but the last texts you sent him were read a couple hours ago. You felt your heart plummet. Maybe you had been a bother after all, that would explain why he didn't want to see you today. However, the rational side of you argued that he could be busy too and doesn't take the subway everyday, but that didn't stop you from being gloomy. 

Quickly, you slapped both your hands on your face as you exited the subway. "Stupid!" you chastised yourself scornfully. "He isn't your boyfriend, get over yourself!"

As usual, Jaehyun remained propped against a wall, phone in hand. He glanced up after hearing your footsteps and immediately burst out laughing. 

"What's with you?" he wheezed out, clutching his stomach painfully. "You look like a tomato!"

"I do  _not_!" you insisted, taking out your phone and switching to the camera so you could see for yourself. Alas, he was right, and you were bright red. You probably slapped yourself too hard then. 

"You so do," he snorted, "want a picture for reference?"

"No! Let's just get going. The project is due today, isn't it?" 

You began to walk off, not caring whether Jaehyun was walking behind you or not. To your disappointment, you heard his footsteps follow quickly behind yours. You almost forgot how scarily quick he was accustomed to speed walking. There was silence for a while, and you found your thoughts returning to Hyun. You hoped he was doing alright, he didn't respond to any of your messages. Then again, you guys were just friends and he didn't really have any obligations to respond. 

In response to your highly irrational thoughts, you slapped yourself in the face again, and Jaehyun couldn't stop laughing the rest of the walk to school. 

"I guess you got dumped, huh?"

" _No_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was sitting in my drafts forever but i finally published today. so sorry about the delay! i was working on school and my other published works.


End file.
